A survival guide for the chronically ill and overwhelmed.

Welcome to my kitchen survival guide. The recipes are a mess (if you can even call some of them a recipe.) The rants are unfiltered. The stretchy pants are mandatory. If you’re new to this life, well, so I am, welcome to the chaos.

Rule One: Grace, give it to yourself. Seriously. Don’t beat yourself up because you inhaled that French fry like it was about to launch its self from your plate. But, if you’re gonna do it, at least make it worth it. I’m talking real potatoes, fried in duck fat. Yep, duck fat, yum! Personally, I like a Japanese sweet potato, they don’t spike my glucose as much, but you do you. Just don’t let one rogue fry ruin your whole week. We’ve got bigger battles to fight.

FLASHBACK- I’ve spent years trying to eat ‘right’. I went vegetarian in high school because I thought it would help me keep my weight under control. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Years later, I found out that PCOS was fucking with everything.. my hormones, my weight, my sanity. The weight gain was part of the norm for someone with PCOS. When I was 17 (way back in the day), few doctors knew what it was. I went undiagnosed for another 7 years. I just did what I thought was best for me. I’m experiencing some PTSD right now. Going through this new journey to discover what new auto-immune hell awaits me. Good thing, I kinda know what I’m doing now.. Maybe?

Real Talk- It’s never about the calories, at least not all of it. I truly don’t care about the numbers. I care about what’s in the food I’m putting into my body. Is it grass-fed, grass-finished? Where did it come from? I choose organic whenever I can, and I choose clean. I’ve given up a lot, but I’ve also figured out what I can’t live without (Mexican Food). For me, that’s peppers and Dark Chocolate. What’s yours?

So, I survived the 30-day elimination diet- the nutritional equivalent of boot camp. When it was time to reintroduce foods, naturally, I started with Peppers. Let’s pause here for a second. If someone tells me I have to give up peppers forever, I’m throwing a tantrum. It will be so epic, it will be talked about in history books. Peppers add so much flavor to so many dishes, fajitas, curries, even a basic stir-fry. I genuinely pity the poor souls who can never experience their magic- I weep for you.

This brings me to one of my absolute favorite post-elimination finds. Siete grain-free tortilla chips. Yes, I know they’re owned by Pepsi now, and I have feelings about that. But hear me out- these chips have saved my life on more than one occasion. Now I can roll into a Mexican restaurant, plop my bag of grain-free joy on the table. Shamelessly eat chips and salsa without the immediate regret of my knees staging a three-day protest.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t still make questionable life choices when queso is involved. (because, let’s be real, I’m only human.) At least this helps me avoid the shame spiral more often than not. Sometimes, you just need to hang out with friends after the game. Siete’s has allowed me to hang with my people without any future regrets. Grain-free options are a life changer.

My last tip for the moment, coconut yogurt- I can handle it now. I was in the depth of chocolate withdrawal. I was spiraling into that dark place where you start eyeing the baking chocolate in the pantry. Then a friend mentioned mixing coconut yogurt with chocolate collagen powder. Cue the choir of snack angels. I’ve never thought of this, and why? Mostly, because I don’t even like yogurt. It’s basically the gym sock of dairy. This is different. It’s like those pudding snack packs you used to trade your soul for in the cafeteria. It’s creamy, chocolatey, and just the right amount of guilt-free.

Then I got a little wild. Tossed it into the food processor, in went the collagen powder, dark cocoa powder, and frozen sweet cherries. The results? Next.Freaking.Level. It hits all the right notes. Rich, dark chocolate covered cherries fill every bite. It’s like the inside of the fancy truffle without the price tag.

So go ahead, try it, get weird with your snacks. Maybe you’ll find your new obsession. Or you may just end up scraping it into the trash while your dog judges you from the corner. Either way, live a little.